Looking for a potential spouse for marriage these days has become such a confusing and tiring job for most. There is no such thing as a perfect life partner or the dream guy/girl. Youngsters often fall in love at first sight and are eager to get married not knowing the seriousness or commitment of a marriage. There is so much of effort and sacrifice needed to make any marriage work. We as adults need to inspire our children what true love is all about and that marriage isn’t anyone’s cup of tea. The rate of divorces are soaring these days mostly due to the eagerness to get married and settle down without assessing real life strategies and circumstances. Rushing into marriage and then regretting it later is no good. If you are willing to get married, make sure you choose the person not just for their looks but for the person as a whole. Here I have listed some tips for what to look for in your partner before you get married to them.
Marriage is one of the biggest commitments in one’s life. It is important to make sure that he/she is willing to accept you for who you are. There should be a honest commitment and feeling of mutual understanding.
Put reality into perspective –
- Are you willing to accept certain annoying habits of your partner?
I’m also talking about the silly ones like the constant burping or nudging. On the serious side, take into account of other habits like drinking, gambling, depression or anxiety, temper management,etc. If you find some habits disturbing, ,make sure you explain it to him and if he is willing to give it up for you,then he is a keeper. Never ever get into a marriage in the pretext that you will be able to change him later. What may seem insignificant before living together, may be the cause of your separation later. So question yourself of the consequences of such habits in the long run.
The best source of true information are friends and family. Irrespective of love/arranged marriage, it would be smart to try to have a chat with the family or friends of your fiance about them as they have watched him grow and know him better than you do now. You can even get to know his/her likings and hobbies with which you can surprise them later.
Trust me, respect is one of the major needs for men and women equally. No matter how close you become with your fiance/spouse, he/she will always expect some respect in private as well as public. Showing respect also increases love for one another. Using derogatory words or comments on him/her in private or public will definitely cause some damage to the relationship no matter however sportive they may be.
Respect here doesn’t mean that you have to use formal language. Respect in a healthy relationship is in the form of respect for one’s opinion, needs in private/public and giving priority to the person. Instead of criticizing them, a simple word “I understand” would mean much to them.
Every man is a guardian for his woman physically, psycologically and financially. It is the duty of every man to be able to provide for his family. To make sure that he has a good education or job to meet her needs has to be in perspective. There are many woman out there who think that love will feed them. In the long run, when needs become necessities, and the man cannot provide, it will lead to frustration. A man’s ability to provide for you and look after you is what makes him a man. A true man will always find ways to keep his woman happy no matter how rich or poor he is.
4. Religious beliefs
Religion is one most important part of any human being. A person’s behavior, dressing, lifestyle, all are influenced by their religion. Ofcourse there are many who say that marriage is irrespective of religion. But I strongly feel that being connected on a religious level gives so much more strength to the marriage. Being able to bond on the same thinking and beliefs will definitely bring more love and hope into any situation. Thus, talking about them in advance will help create and develop a healthy understanding and respect you need as a couple.
If you want a marriage to last forever,it’s also important to be psycologically ready to handle all the packages which comes with it. It’s a promise you make to each other to love, care and live together. If you just fall for the looks, money or status, trust me it’s not worth it. Getting married won’t bring you maturity in a fortnight .Real marriage starts after the honeymoon and when you step into your new home. You need to assess and be able to accept the responsibilities which come with it. He has to make sure that his woman is able to live comfortably with him. She has to make sure that her house and family is peaceful.
Woman need to find the difference between a playboys and a real man. A real man will ask you for marriage once he knows you are the one. He will be able to handle all situations with confidence.
In Indian weddings, the bride not only gets wedded to the groom but to his entire family. Discussing each other’s families might be an interesting exercise, but don’t take it too lightly. Getting to know his/her close family members can help you to understand your fiance better and also if you will be able to survive with them. Trust me, it can save you from a lot of embarrassment.
Every family has their legal tussels- property or civil. It is important to run a thorough check on all legal issues a family might be dealing with, be it land disputes, criminal cases or property related issues. There must be absolute clarity to avoid misunderstandings in the future.
7. Career perspective
Some people prefer their wives to stay at home and some want them to work. Discuss your career goals or preferences to your fiance and get their opinions on it. It would save you from a lot of arguments later. If you want to work, make it clear to him and do not hide it in the pretext of convincing him later. Also discuss his career aspirations and passion for his work. The more he shares his personal views on such subjects the more you will understand him well. That is how faith and confidence builds.
“Great marriages don’t happen by luck or accident. Great marriages are a result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect and a rock solid commitment between husband and wife.”