Women and Men were created differently and so are their brains. Their ways of thinking differ a lot from each other. Marriage is the union of two different people who bond on the same connection called Love. Everyday you learn new things about each other. Even in the most perfect relationships there will be difference in opinions. It’s because Men use Logic and Reasoning whereas Women use Emotion over both. It’s naturally inbuilt in our brains.
So for two to be in a happy and peaceful relationship, there must be mutual understanding. There are some things that men ought to know about women which will help save a lot of energy. And some that even women should know about men as well.
Some of the common mistakes husbands knowingly or unknowingly make are –
Let’s be honest. Women are moody. I guess it’s their natural hormone cycle. There can be a thousand things to affect their mood(even silly ones) or sometimes no reason at all! Men seriously don’t get this logic because they have just two main emotions – happy and sad. Women experience more anxiety, depression, fear, excitement and every other emotion out there. And that’s what makes them special too!
So when a husband comes home and finds his wife in a not-so-happy mood, he will immediately try to stay away from her so as to not create more damage. MISTAKE#1.
Solution – Trying to ignore her until she returns to her normal mood isn’t the solution. Sometimes she really wants to be alone and sometimes not. How do you know? Simple – Just give her a hug and ask her if something is bothering her. If she confides the problem, just listen. I repeat, Just LISTEN. Offer solutions only if she asks you for it else just assure her everything is gonna be ok. Happy ending! But if she doesn’t want to share her problem with you, just give a guess and ask her “Did you have a bad day” or “Are you mad at me?Got something special for u”. And whatever the problem was (maybe even nothing) she will probably tell you.
Once she shares her problems with you, that is when your relationship gets stronger. Be there to comfort her and uplift her mood rather than running away.
When your spouse is going through a difficult time, don’t worry about always having the ‘right’ thing to say, just be there for them. Your constant presence and support will speak louder than any words.
When a wife confides her feelings to her husband, she expects him to listen. Some husbands judge them immediately for their opinions saying plainly that she is wrong or get angered easily. Havoc! MISTAKE#2.
Solution – No matter what opinion she has, just listen to it and say “I Understand you” “..but my opinion on this is..” . Even if she is right or wrong, just say it.”I Understand You” are the three golden words every woman wants to hear. It means so much to her that you have no idea. It gives a feeling of acceptance and confidence in sharing.
Once you use these golden words, she is never ever going to hide anything from you, whether it be silly or serious issues. Trust me.
3. Dealing with Temper
Men lose their temper very easily and so do women. Every person gets angry at some point of time but the way they express it is what makes or breaks a relation. Using harsh words or high pitch isn’t going to help. Instead it will destroy your marriage.
Solution – Think before you speak. A word said can’t be taken back and no matter how long back it was said, a woman never forgets. There is a saying(hadith) in Islam which says ‘when one of the spouses is on fire, the other should be water’. So when your spouse is pouring out all her frustrations, be calm and let her finish. Next, the Key is to watch your TONE of voice. High tones can anger a woman even more and lead to destruction! No matter how angry you are, try to use a calmer and clearer tone to express your feelings. By practicing this habit, you can actually control your wife’s thoughts as she too will think you are right and come to a mutual agreement. Be smart men.
4. Not Complimenting
There isn’t a single woman in this world who doesn’t like being told that she is beautiful. And to hear it from their husbands is every girl’s dream. Even if they accept it or not. Women take compliments more seriously than men. That’s why men don’t give it much importance. She may dress up for you or try out a new dish and if you walk away saying just ‘nice’, trust me, you are going to miss soo much from her. The moment you stop appreciating her, she will stop putting any more effort. And you will end up complaining that she is not getting any better. The Reason? YOU!
Solution – Tell her “You are beautiful” and watch her dress up for you more than she would for any party. The idea that you are satisfied with her is what makes her love you even more. Don’t be stingy in words. Even if you are exaggerating, tell her the dish was good, the house was cleaner or that her perfume smelled great. There are a dozen compliments out there. Choose the best words and watch her mood lift up no matter how bad her day was. You will make her day.
5. Not Encouraging
Every woman doesn’t get married with an experience beforehand. The new place, new habits and new people can be a bit overwhelming for her. Men have no idea about the anxiousness a woman feels when she cooks for the first time or when she has to do a new task at a new place. Instead of bombarding her with your new home rules, assure her that you are in this together. If my husband hadn’t encouraged me to keep trying, I would have never tried making biryani again after it was a disaster. His constant encouragement and trust in me is what makes people now come to my home for biryani.(just an example)
Solution – For every effort she puts in, encourage her. Don’t be sarcastic or make fun of her no matter how sportive she is. It may mean much more to her than it is for you. Tell her it was a good effort and you believe that she can do better. Keep doing it and watch her grow into a better version of herself that you will love.
6. Phone Usage
A wife will always want to be her husband’s priority. Spending too much time talking on phone to anyone can literally mean WAR! Talking for long with anyone bothers every wife. But not if you do it outside home. Once you are at home, your wife will want to spend maximum time with you. Waiting for you to finish your call will just make her ignore you all together(Another reason to be moody!*rolling eyes*)
Solution – Avoid long phone calls at home after work. Keep it short. If urgently needed, get out and come back when you are finished. At least she won’t keep staring at you. Keep your phone away when she is talking to you and at dinner.
7. Taking for granted
Face it, she is not your maid. At some point, every wife feels taken for granted. It is because of the endless sacrifices she makes to start a new family. When those sacrifices aren’t acknowledged, she gets frustrated. Thoughts such as “Why should I do this”,”Who cares for me”,”My life was so much better before” start seeping in. That creates havoc. When she starts complaining in such ways, understand that she needs a break from the schedule.
Solution – Acknowledge your wife’s actions. Ask her if she needs rest or wants to take a break or trip to her parent’s house. Plan a weekend getaway or even a walk and take her mind away from home and responsibilities. She will come back home fresh and relaxed. Problem Solved.
8. Not respecting her Privacy
Every women needs her privacy. Even after marriage. Since womanhood is so complicated, men better stay away from the details. There are some things that she would not want to talk about or share with you. It may be a personal incident or even her account password. And if she doesn’t share, it means there is no point in you knowing about it.
Solution – Respect her privacy and trust her. If she is not willing to share something(which doesn’t affect your marriage) you want to know about tell her you understand and that you trust her.
9. Expecting her to serve your family
She will. Every bride will want to fit into her new family and she will do her part. But that doesn’t mean that you can allow your family to trample over her. I believe that every wife should respect her in laws. It’s a man’s duty to look after his parents, not his wife’s. But if she does it, it is out of love for them. Remember that she has sacrificed her family to start a new one with you. There will be moments when she might get into an argument with your parents or family. The way you handle can make or break your family.
Solution – Listen to her side of the story. If she is right, assure her that you will talk about it to your parents and fix it. If she is wrong, try to explain their side of the story to her. If she is not comfortable in living as a joint family, she has the right to move into a new home with you. Occasional meetups with love and respect is far better than cursing them living under the same roof. Balancing parents and wife is a talent very few men possess.
10. Lack of romance
Women too have their emotional needs.In fact one of the major reasons why women want to get married is the feeling of being loved. No matter how long you have been married, expressing your love for each other should never be ignored. Every woman needs assurance that she is loved.
Physical intimacy plays an important role too. Women need intimacy as much as a man would. She may or may not express it. If her emotional and physical needs are not satisfied, her frustration will make her ignore you.
Solution – Simple yet overlooked. Express your love for her. Tell her you love her and are lucky to have her. A casual hug and kiss can mean the world to her. Make sure that she is emotionally and physically satisfied.
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives” – Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)