Mothers and fathers everywhere bend over backwards for their children just to end up with unappreciative, disrespectful and unproductive teenagers who eventually become adults. Parents get a shock when they buy their kids cell phones, video games and do what they can to keep them happy in the hope their kids will be grateful, loving and successful. WRONG!

We’re living in the first ever generation of parents where the focus is on teaching kids to be happy rather than teaching them life skills to succeed. The two are NOT the same! So here’s 13 tips which will help your kids become successful, grateful, productive and motivated:

1. Don’t Know How vs Don’t Want To

Do your kids make excuses when you ask them to do something? If so, the likelihood is you have never taught them HOW. Stop and take a moment to TEACH whatever it is you are asking your child to do. Once they know how, if they say they don’t want to, they are being lazy (see tip 7)

 

2. Understand YOUR Job

Your job is NOT to make your kids happy! Your job is to teach your kids LIFE SKILLS so they can thrive independently without you. There’s a HUGE difference between loving your child and buying stuff for them to make them happy. The first helps your child feel deeply connected and happy, the second teaches your child that things are more important than people, which leads to ingratitude, whining and complaining as well as a lack of motivation to want to do anything because they know you will do it for them

 

3. Create a Checklist of Skills Your Child Should Know

Take the time to research the skills your child should know for their age including: communication skills, academic, social, spiritual, success habits etc. Draw up a list and commit to TEACHING your child each one before moving onto the next one. Week by week, you should aim to teach your child 2-3 new skills. Once your child knows, you’ve completed that lifeskill and you move onto the next

 

4. Teach Responsibility

The number one reason for kids who are ungrateful, lazy and constantly complain is YOU doing or giving everything to them. There is NO motivation for a child to want to do anything for themselves because they know you will do it or give it to them. Give your child chores and make them responsible for everything they do or have in their life. Treats should be EARNED and you should NEVER reward bad behavior

 

5. Ignore The Emotional Blackmail

Your job is to be a parent and not their best friend. That means taking necessary action when they don’t do as they are told. Follow through with consequences when they break rules and IGNORE the emotional blackmail (‘I hate you’, ‘you’re mean’) no matter how much it hurts, it will never hurt as much as the day they do something SO bad that it breaks you – and all because you were too busy pleasing them rather than being a parent

6. You Get The Monsters You Deserve

Failing as a parent when kids go off the rails is heartbreaking – but it is almost ALWAYS your fault. You get out of your kids what you put in. If you always criticize, you’ll raise a child who learns to condemn rather than show compassion. If you curse your kids, you’ll raise a disrespectful child. If you always give into your child, you’ll raise a demanding and ungrateful child who thinks they should be entitled to whatever they want. If you guide with boundaries and love, you’ll raise a child who is caring, considerate and responsible

 

7. Make Your Child Responsible For Their Own Choices

Make it clear that if your child chooses not to do their homework, they are choosing to have a class detention. If your child doesn’t clean their room, they are choosing to miss out on family time. Always make them responsible for their OWN choices so as they grow up, they understand that they can’t blame others or make excuses when things go wrong

 

8. Never Give Your Child A Cell Phone

This is the first ever generation of children being corrupted by cell phones. Simply put – your child should never EVER be given a cell phone or you’re inviting trouble into your home. Kids who are more pre-occupied with their phone have poor communication and social skills, are more withdrawn, have greater problems with their emotional intelligence and are more irresponsible and poorly behaved than kids who don’t. If your child can call or text whoever they want, you can bet they are in touch with people who might not be good for them. If they can watch whatever they want on YouTube, you’re in for a rude awakening. The same goes for free access to the TV and satellite and video games as well. Monitor everything they do and if they MUST have it, allow TIMED and SUPERVISED access and ONLY after they have completed chores

 

9. Monitor Their Friends

Do you know what kind of friends your child has? If not, why not? Teach your child how to choose good friends and more importantly, ensure that the kids they are hanging out with are high achievers with goals and ambition and are responsible and caring. Research has proven time and again that you are the sum of the 5 people you hang around with most often. If your child hangs out with losers, they will end up like them

 

10. Reward Good Behaviour Appropriately

Good behavior should be rewarded with love, appreciation, praise, acknowledgement and an occasional treat. Don’t get your kids used to expecting their reward to be THINGS – family time is something kids love and actually prefer over stuff and will teach your child the value of people rather than things

 

11. Teach Your Kids Gratitude

Teach your child to be grateful to Allah for EVERYTHING. Teach your child the success habit of spending a few minutes daily thanking Allah for their health, their family, their home, food, education etc etc. Doing so builds humility and appreciativeness of everything they have

 

12. Teach Kids About The Deen

The best of people to walk the face of this Earth was the Prophet SAW who had the best of manners and the best of character. Teach your kids about the Prophet SAW, about Allah and more importantly, encourage and invest in your child’s spiritual development. Salah and fasting teaches discipline, sacrifice and focus, giving regular charity teaches to give and be mindful of what you have. A righteous child is one of the best gifts you’ll ever have in the dunya and the akhirah! Teach your kids salah so that everytime they pray, you get a portion of the reward

 

13. Give Your Kids Goals

Finally, give your kids goals and create a plan of action on how to achieve those goals. Every family’s goal should be to attain Allah’s pleasure and go to Jannatul Firdous – but break that down for your kids. What does that look like? Set smaller goals like ‘Fasting Ramadan’ or ‘Raising £1000 for Charity’ and encourage and push your kids to work for their goals. You’ll be amazed at how far this attitude will get them in life.

Article from – PureMatrimony

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